Woman smiling while sitting on a swing bench and holding her legs.

I used to do many healing techniques after a breakup. Binge my latest TV show obsession, or burning a hole in my pockets whenever treat ya self comes to mind. The pain would be so much to bear I would even mindlessly contact the ex. I used to slip into a terrible mindset of not being good enough, which is a dangerous road to go down. Remember, you are a beautiful person with many things to offer outside of a relationship. After my not so hot girl summer, I experienced what feels like ten years’ worth of lessons. The past year has taught me everything about what it means to love yourself and put your star player first… You!

This past summer I was unlucky enough to suffer another breakup. The old me would normally soak myself in my covers for a week listening to Erykah Badu to ease my mind. I felt a veil hanging between me and true connection with the world. After a week of the moping something told me Erykah wasn’t going to do it. I had to take control of the entire situation and pull myself out.   had to be vocal! Talking about it and getting things off my chest helped tremendously. From friends to family, everyone was so supportive that I even got things off my chest I never knew I had been thinking. I thought simply talking about it wouldn’t help, but it worked! From then on, no one was allowed to steal my peace. I learned to be stingy with my time, and the glow I know I can provide.


Sometimes as adults we tend to have a constant guard up to protect our hearts, or to not seem vulnerable. It’s taken some time to love my own vulnerability and to appreciate that I can love so strongly without shame. Hiding my feelings is foreign to me now, and getting things off my chest is almost religion. With all this learning and reflecting I am no stranger to being self-aware and realizing what the root of my issues are too. I was harboring a lot of paranoia and a lingering childish shock that horrible things can happen in life. Also, insecurity tends to creep over my relationships like a dark cloud. Realizing these things and putting them into words allowed my feelings of inadequacy and damage to be put to rest.


Now, I normally do not listen to today’s hard hitting pop songs, but one has caught my attention since I first heard it a month ago. In Halsey’s song “You Should Be Sad” she sang:

“I really meant well from the start.  Take a broken man in my hands, and then put back all his parts.”


I remembered that line because we as women have always taken the role of the mender, because we’re caring creatures. And this is something I am repeatedly guilty of. But I’ve learned to befriend the part of me that is emotional and wants to be the hero. A toxic relationship can rob you of your peace and give you horrible stress pimples! I had let go of what I couldn’t fix, and let go of who was wrong or who was right. In the end, I was relieved about the breakup and that the horrific chapter was over… and the pimples too. Now I know to be cautious around red flags, and to trust my intuition. Daily, I commend myself for dropping any and everything that didn’t serve my happiness and growth. And I would love for my story to help the hearts of others who have experienced the same. 

Eliza Lawson

Eliza Lawson is a lover of words, being both an aspiring writer and an avid reader. When her head is not buried in a journal or book, she’s binge watching her favorite TV shows like Shameless.  Her dream is to one day edit and write films for the big screen. And to also travel the world to soak up its glory and inspiration.


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